Just went to confession and noon mass here in Omaha. Bear with me. :)
Jn 13:21-33, 36-38
Reclining at table with his disciples, Jesus was deeply troubled and testified,“Amen, amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me.”The disciples looked at one another, at a loss as to whom he meant.One of his disciples, the one whom Jesus loved,was reclining at Jesus’ side. So Simon Peter nodded to him to find out whom he meant. He leaned back against Jesus’ chest and said to him,“Master, who is it?”Jesus answered,“It is the one to whom I hand the morsel after I have dipped it.”So he dipped the morsel and took it and handed it to Judas,son of Simon the Iscariot.
After Judas took the morsel, Satan entered him.
So Jesus said to him, “What you are going to do, do quickly.” Now none of those reclining at table realized why he said this to him. Some thought that since Judas kept the money bag, Jesus had told him,“Buy what we need for the feast,”or to give something to the poor. So Judas took the morsel and left at once. And it was night.
When he had left, Jesus said,“Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself,and he will glorify him at once. My children, I will be with you only a little while longer. You will look for me, and as I told the Jews, ‘Where I go you cannot come,’ so now I say it to you.”
Simon Peter said to him, “Master, where are you going?”Jesus answered him,“Where I am going, you cannot follow me now,though you will follow later.” Peter said to him,“Master, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for me?
Amen, amen, I say to you, the cock will not crow before you deny me three times.”
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I have a lot in common with both Peter and Judas.
Like Peter, I deny Christ. Daily. I deny him when I look at someone and fail to see Christ. I deny Him when I fail to see Christ inside myself, my wife, my kids, my boss, my co-workers, and whomever else I come across during the day.
In the rare occasions where I get to the point of being conscious of Christ's presence all around me, I become Judas, and I renounce Him. I look at Him, and don't respond. I don't help. I make excuses. I tell myself that "I do enough."
It is so easy to look at the events of Holy Week from afar and ponder them, and be sad at them, and reflect on them, and see the Lord's mercy on us collectively. It is quite another to take them personally. I believe that to grow spiritually, I need to do just that. I need to see myself in Peter and Judas. I need to search myself critically for times when I am like them. I need to repent from them, and then I need to let them go and press on toward the goal.
